Eager to snatch up the must-have deal du jour, I studied the ads from the Sunday paper -- I was determined not to let The Deal of The Century sneak by unnoticed .
Is the $15.99 price tag worth it for the Chia Head? Probably not. Bet they'll be fifty cents after Christmas.
And $19.95 for The Clapper? Seems pricey. (If you've ever lived in the US, can't you just hear that song & see the old woman from the commercial they've aired for the past 30 years?)
Not that either of those items are on my shopping list. (Am I the only one who's never purchased a Chia product? Ch-ch-ch-chia!)
And then there's the massively enormous "animated inflatable snowglobe with pop-up penguin," complete with lights, weatherproof fan, tethers and stakes, for only $79.99. Such a deal! Why not buy two and really piss off the neighbors!
Of course you've got your deals on tissues and tylenol. Telephones and wrapping paper. Watches and hemorrhoid creme. I DO love a good drug store! Everything conveniently located under one roof.
Even your handy MenoCheck.
Wait a minute -- huh?
You know, the menopause indicator test. $14.99 for a 2-pack.
Yes, there's a pee-on-a-stick menopause test.
So now, not only can you use this convenient style of test to check for ovulation and pregnancy, you can also use it to tell if you're approaching The Change.
So, if I take the test, somehow it will magically know from my urine what's going on with my biological clock? I'd like to see the results you get from this test.
- Just plain ol' bitchy; get yourself some chocolate, girl!
- You've got another five good years left in you -- enjoy.
- Ummmm. Tick-tock. Hello? This is Mother Nature. Your days are numbered, byotch.
Well, there are some people who pee on sticks as often as the rest of us brush our teeth (not to name names, or link links, but you know who you are! ;-) ). So, I guess there is a market for this sort of thing.
Why not just expand the whole pee-on-a-stick industry? There are things I'd like indicators for...
Like, tell me when it's time to have the oil changed in my car. How about a stick for that?
And maybe a stick could let me know when I have 7 shopping days til my husband's birthday?
What would be cool is just a universal stick. First thing in the morning, you moisten it following the instructions, and you start your day. While you've fixing your coffee or tea, a printout comes out, right by the toaster. You find out your hormone levels, whose birthday is coming up, what bills are due, etc. In fact, maybe the report could just go straight to your PDA, cellphone or e-mail. And on certain days, the report could automatically go to everyone you'll be interacting with that day, like a red-alert. Something like Avoid Marie at all costs today. Royally hormonal bitch-ola. Yikes! And she has a work deadline, so if you're smart you'll just run far, far away. Trust me on this.
Yep. The universal pee stick. I think there's a market!
People have been buying clay pets that grow weeds for 25 years -- why not this?